The Hero Inside

Autumn, 2008...welcome, welcome, welcome...

The summer was a bitch for many different reasons, but here I am to greet you with a smile and a deep sigh of relief...

I've gotten my full voice back, and it feels good to walk into fall having a new found self-respect, a new humility and a new excitement...
Lessons have been learned, lessons that I needed to learn...
The universe has a rhyme and reason to everything...

Even as outside my window neighbors on my Brooklyn block argue in the sunny breezes,
I feel grateful to be exactly where I am today...
As painful as it has been to get here, and it's the kind of pain I wish on no one,
I'm glad I hung in there for this very moment...

You see, I kind of realized something about myself lately...

I just finished recording my first spoken word album "You Are The Hero"
And the journey to the final track was exciting, triggering, scary, joyful, anxiety ridden, peaceful, spiritual and exhilarating...it kicked my ass and kicked ass all at the same time!
And I got lots of support to make it through...

But the morning of my final day of recording, I had a personal setback...
And the universe got my attention with an issue that's been haunting me for a long time...
The details don't matter...I felt like a bomb went off in my face and it stung...you get the idea...
Even though I felt enough pressure to eat bricks, something wanted this to happen and for me to channel my feelings like a laser...
I was wounded, and I hurt...
And I said, "How am I gonna record today...I just wanna go home..."
And the hero inside of me spoke up and said, "You're gonna show up and
be the hero for yourself..."
So this album that I was creating to support and inspire others began to support and inspire me...

And I found myself in the studio not only recording the final tracks, but the personal drama from the morning faded away and it was just me and my project...
And when I said those last couple of words on that last track, I couldn't believe what had just happened...
A power greater than me did for me what I could not do for myself...
It's a power that is deep down within me...
It's the hero inside of me...
And you have one too...

And so today, on this first day of autumn, I have a new found respect and admiration for myself...for showing up for myself...for allowing the tears and fears to come and go...
for believing in myself to get through to the other side...for not giving up...
Rock it out, bro...rock it out

No Voice

Ever since I was 17, people have been commenting on my voice...
How deep it is, how resonant it is, how they like hearing it...
After awhile, I would thank them and try to not be as surprised by their compliment as they were about the sound of my voice...
I wasn't being conceded...I was just getting used to people saying something...
I was humbly acknowledging their notice of it and the gift I was blessed with...

As a voiceover actor, a compliment on my voice by a stranger made me wonder why more casting people for national commercials didn't feel the same way...
Sometimes, their comment could be like nails on a chalkboard because it reminded me that I had this voice and it frustrated me as to what to do with it...

And so after years of auditioning for other people, I decided to cast myself in my own voiceover project...
I began writing a script for a spoken word album that would feature just my voice...
I would be the principal player in my own gig!
It was empowering, but it took me 4 years to write the damn thing...
Procrastination has kept me from fulfilling some of my finest potential...

I recorded 2 more tracks last week, and due to some personal stuff lately, the recordings were not up to the standard that I'm trying to keep on the album...
I mean, this is my first album...I ain't gonna do it half-ass...
I'm not gonna pull a Chinese Democracy like Axl, but I want it to be as good as I can get it...

And I stressed about the wasted studio time and money because I'm trying to complete this in September...
I tossed and turned in bed the last few nights...
And today, while I was warming up for another recording session, I noticed my voice was kind of gone...
It's rare that it happens, but after home auditions and this dream project underway, I think I've overused the thing...
And so my friends, I'm not talking today to save it and give it some recoop time...

And I have no voice...
Could it be sabotage of the project?
Could it be stress of having a self-imposed deadline?
Could it be that my voicebox is reversing back to pre-puberty when I answered the home phone as a 14 year old and everyone thought it was my mom talking?

Let's just say that I'm a bit tired, and I need to rest it...
And for the first time since I said hello to a girl on the first day of senior year in high school, I'm grateful for my voice and I want it back!

No Rear View Mirrors

Summer was a mix of swimming, sweet moments
and some letting go...
I'm ready for a new season...

I love the fall...football, turning of the leaves and a reason to wear a jacket...
Change is in the air, and this year's election is just some of the new energy stirring...

And with change already happening, I'm nearing the end of a creative project that I've been working on for awhile...

I got tired of waiting for others to cast me in gigs and decided to create my own opportunity and cast myself!
It's a spoken word album with inspirational tracks that I've written and voiced...

It's been in the making for years, and I'm starting to see the finish line...
It's taken longer to record than I thought, but what's the expression,
"Man makes plans and the universe laughs!"

So as I finish recording HERO, I'm energized to think that maybe it'll help some people and inspire them to make changes for a better life, one with less pain and more laughs!

Showing up to the studio lately has been a bitch, but somehow I find my feet walking to Park Slope to start another session, copy in hand and voice set to go...
I ain't giving up...
I'll keep doing the New York Hustle to keep the dream alive...
Whatever it takes, I'm determined to see this thing through...

I've knocked the rear view mirrors off and there's no turning back now!