GIRLS

I passed Jemima Kirke on the sidewalk in Brooklyn yesterday.
She was with her kids and husband and seemed to be enjoying a quiet stroll on a sunny afternoon.

I've seen a lot of entertainment folks walking around the hood over the years, and I usually treat them the same as any Brooklynite.

But yesterday, I almost sold out...

As I passed Ms. Kirke, I reached down into my jacket pocket and grabbed a copy of my audio companion Virtual Boyfriend. It's my latest creation to offer my voice to the world, and like any good salesman, I usually have a copy on hand.

I thought about turning around, introducing myself and handing her the CD.
I could tell her how I really dig GIRLS and how it would be great if she could mention my groovy album to anyone she thought needed some manly talk.

Then I thought if I were her, the last thing I'd want on a brunchy Sunday afternoon is some dude pitching his shit to me while I hang out with my family.

So, I walked on...

Back to the drawing board.

Isn't It Ironic

Funny how people walk down the street looking at their phones...
When I was a kid, if you told me you walked down the street reading a book, I'd say you were an idiot.

From A Salesman

I stop and check out cars.

It used to be a game I played with my old girlfriend as we strolled around the neighborhood.
Being a former car salesman, we'd pass some wheels on the street and I'd try and guess the year of the model.
My success rate was much higher than my SAT scores for sure.
I guess it didn't help that I never studied for them.
I digress...

Part of being human, we're always buying or selling..
Whether it's a product, service, idea or feeling, we're all trying to persuade each other to our side...

My grandfather sold boxes he designed, and my dad sold steel.
I've sold my share too...women's shoes, car wash supplies, on-hold phone ads, catering events...

But the most colorful and educating sales experience I ever had was selling cars.
It taught me how to talk to anyone about anything.

Growing up in the burbs, I lived a pretty sheltered life.
After graduating into a recession I found myself greeting tables at Bennigan's saying, "Hi, I'm Rob, I'll be your server today. Would you like to start off with some fried cheese or potato skins?"
I clearly remember busing stacks of dirty dishes thinking, "For this I went to college?"

Then a guy introduced me to car sales, and being tired of busting my ass for whatever tip the customer felt like giving that day, I jumped ship and swam to the island of commission sales.

It came naturally to me, and I eventually worked my way to the best used car lot in town.
It was an all-star team of extremely competitive street smart dudes who were really successful at achieving whatever sales quota you needed to hit.
These guys were real fucking sharks who would laugh their asses off together while waiting for ups on the point, and then steal half a commission if one of them was late for a customer appointment.
It was like hanging out in a pool hall learning all the shit guys wish their dads taught them.
It was awesome.

How To Master The Art Of Selling and How To Win Friends And Influence People were my guides.
I listened to sales training tapes on my drive in every morning, and the car lot was my classroom.
I learned the priceless art of socializing, negotiating, and closing.
I still can remember silently walking around a customer's trade-in while they watched, quizzically inspecting every scratch or dent in order to get the upper hand in haggling over the car's worth...
But I always wanted folks to have a win-win car experience with me as their sales guy...
I helped a lot of people get the vehicle they wanted at a price we were both happy with.
And I was great at teaching stick.

3 sales tips for anyone...
1. Establish rapport...it's the key to closing any deal...people buy from people they like
2. Listen more than you talk...you've got 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason
3. Remember your clients after the sale...referrals are the way to a long, easy career

Nowadays, I'm finally selling my own stuff...
I hope I have the same success I once had on that hot asphalt lot loaded with lessons, laughs and cars.

Paper Airplanes

Oy, the life of an entrepreneur...

Sometimes I wish I were one of those Wall Street hedge fund hotshots who is just focused on making as much dough as he can off of whatever financial machine he plugs in to...
Or maybe I should have been a lawyer and used my negotiating skills to settle painful divorces...
My mom would have been so proud if I took my love of psychology and became a 21st century therapist...

But I'm not any of those dudes...

I'm an artist, and I've always marched to the beat of an unknown and uncertain path...it's in my nature.

It's been a long road, but I'm still making these paper airplanes...

One of these fuckers is going to fly.

My Bad

I know a lot of people who have just been going through it lately. I don't mean they had a bad day or two. Nah, these folks are lobbying to be in the Hall of Fame of Some Serious Fucking Personal Growth.
The prognosticators say the problem is the economy and the upcoming election...
The astrologers say the cosmos are doing an ethereal break dance...
I think it's just time to say sorry, let go of the past and welcome the new...

Lately I've been looking over my life and seeing all the dumbass mistakes I've made...
It's been a straight across the board beating myself up...love, career, family, you name it
I've been going to town on myself as I regret bad decisions that have effectively dented my self esteem and affected my life in some challenging way...
And I wasn't the only star in this rear view mirror movie showing. There was a whole cast of people whom I thought had done me wrong who were getting equal billing as well...
I was kind of trapped on my own dark history hamster wheel, and I was just wishing I could re-do the last 25 years...

Then, a little miracle happened...

I had a conversation with someone who knows me well and has a solid background in mastering the psychological Rubik's cube...
It actually wasn't my therapist but someone who has a ton of experience helping people detach from the past and welcome a new day...
She pointed out that true self-forgiveness can only happen when we take full responsibility for our mistakes...not other people's fuck ups, but our errors...
Not just lip service to our wrongs while still pointing the finger at everybody else...
She was talking about taking full responsibility for bad decisions that I made...not anyone else...
I wanted to fight back and say, "But can you see what that fucker did to me?!"
It's so easy to play the victim, ain't it?

I had some good dysfunctional reasons and rational excuses why I made these really poor choices in my life, but it was a debate I would never win.
As long as I shirked my part in it, I would never be able to forgive myself, to really heal...
It's kind of impossible..
I had to take care of my side of the street and fully embrace the mistakes I made...ouch

After a moment of sadness and regret, a weight kind of lifted...
I could see how I wasn't just an innocent bystander who was a victim of bad luck...
In fact, many times I either put myself in a position to be hurt or was an instigator of the problem itself...double ouch

So I've been accepting my bad decisions in order to move on...
Lesson learned...
Feeling much better...
My bad.