One of the biggest challenges in any relationship is to be honest when we get hurt. I know, I know...everyone talks about Man Up these days, but no matter how tough everybody tries to be all the time, they're still gonna have stuff that bothers them.
Sometimes when we get hurt we think it’s easier to stuff the sting down and pretend it doesn’t affect us rather than take a chance and say something. The unease grows and grows until we get triggered by something meaningless and then usually all hell breaks loose while the feelings come out sideways. That's always fun. Whether we’re being passive-aggressive or just worried about how the other person will react, we avoid a good opportunity to just say what’s really going on.
What some people don’t understand is that all feelings have value, even the negative ones. Life would have little color is we were always walking around in a constant state of rainbows and sunshine. When tough feelings arise in any relationship, it’s a chance to talk through some vulnerable moments and get through to the other side without hurting each other or running for the hills. These negative feelings and tough talks actually strengthen the relationship and increase real intimacy. Ah, but there's the rub: can we let people get that close? Can we really let them see our insecurities and witness that we're just human and sometimes have, can you believe it, weaknesses? That takes one courageous person.
If someone rubs you the wrong way and you still want them in your life, say something. Gossip is for cowards. And don’t brush it under the rug or pretend that it doesn’t bother you unless you really can let it go. But if you can’t forget it and your stomach cringes every time you see them or hear their name, just sit 'em down and have a heart to heart. Instead of pointing the finger at them, just stick to your feelings. It doesn’t matter how they react. The important thing is that you’re being honest and saying something. What the hell...you've got nothing to lose but the pain.
Sometimes when we get hurt we think it’s easier to stuff the sting down and pretend it doesn’t affect us rather than take a chance and say something. The unease grows and grows until we get triggered by something meaningless and then usually all hell breaks loose while the feelings come out sideways. That's always fun. Whether we’re being passive-aggressive or just worried about how the other person will react, we avoid a good opportunity to just say what’s really going on.
What some people don’t understand is that all feelings have value, even the negative ones. Life would have little color is we were always walking around in a constant state of rainbows and sunshine. When tough feelings arise in any relationship, it’s a chance to talk through some vulnerable moments and get through to the other side without hurting each other or running for the hills. These negative feelings and tough talks actually strengthen the relationship and increase real intimacy. Ah, but there's the rub: can we let people get that close? Can we really let them see our insecurities and witness that we're just human and sometimes have, can you believe it, weaknesses? That takes one courageous person.
If someone rubs you the wrong way and you still want them in your life, say something. Gossip is for cowards. And don’t brush it under the rug or pretend that it doesn’t bother you unless you really can let it go. But if you can’t forget it and your stomach cringes every time you see them or hear their name, just sit 'em down and have a heart to heart. Instead of pointing the finger at them, just stick to your feelings. It doesn’t matter how they react. The important thing is that you’re being honest and saying something. What the hell...you've got nothing to lose but the pain.
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